Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Coming toward the major events of my novel, I've been dealing with some writing anxieties. CampNaNoWriMo aside, I really want to get my book written in a timely manner. I don't want to drag it out into the course of the year; I want to be able to have the first draft written within a few more months. However, I've hit a bit of a rough time. It's not so much writer's block, as it is writing anxiety. I wrote about some of the issues I've been having last night, and now I want to talk about them with you.
Time spent not writing gives me anxiety that the book isn't going to be good if I don't write it right away. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my train of thought and not be able to get it back again. Especially at night, when I'm contemplating what I've written and what's to come, I fear that any good ideas I have are going to get lost in the abyss of my brain. This is something I've always struggled with, feeling bad if I'm not being productive. Sometimes, I even feel bad for reading instead of writing, which is kind of ridiculous.
I also fear that the book I'm writing is not even good to begin with, that everything I've written sucks and that I need to start over or work on a new idea because this one sucks so much. I hate this feeling because it puts doubt into my head, something that I definitely don't need anymore of. While I feel connected to the main character, there is something off about it, like I just can't get a good sense of her personality, even though I know her personality traits. Today, I've been working through that problem, by telling a bit of back story, and letting her emotions come through. I think with time and the progression of the plot, I'll be able to overcome these awful ideas that my book sucks.
There are too many 'hads' and 'have beens', which I'm afraid makes the narration sound more passive. I learned in school that a passive voice is not very good, and an active one is always better. While I always have that in mind, I find myself writing in the passive voice often just because it seems to fit. I'm hoping I'll fix this in the editing process, but it really bugs me that I feel like I'm writing wrong.
This is the second farthest I've ever gotten in writing a book, so the pressure is on. Still, I want it to be fun and exciting for me, which it is some of the time. I have to keep in mind my main goal of writing this book, I suppose, and working on the other stuff during the editing process.
I'm not sure if this is something all writers go through, or just newbie ones. Just wanted to share some of my writing thoughts with you. I'd love to hear if anyone's had an similar writing anxieties and how you overcame them.
I'm still plugging away on my novel, so don't think these anxieties are going to stop me!